a dog that does tricks

sometimes i worry
that if i’m not entertaining
then people can see beyond the regurgitated memes
to my translucent skin
and see all of the gross goopy rotten parts of me
that i was never able to clean out.

i am a circus performer
cloaked by so many layers
of comedy and irony and bits
that i don’t even really know what’s happening underneath
trying desperately to unwrap each joke
from my shivering body
in the dead of night
to figure out what’s wrong
when i know nobody else will see my raw skin
and know that the jig is up.

i spend most of my time
studying faces
and waiting for the wash of relief
that comes with each laugh.

i hate that i am
a human with feelings
that get hurt—
feelings that seem to crush my soul
swallow me whole
and make me off-putting

sometimes i wish
that people would like me
no matter what—
and i could just be funny
with nothing underneath

back to index